Some animals are traded illegally on the black market because they can be highly profitable. In fact, worldwide, illegal wildlife trade can climb up to 19 billion dollars every year. In addition, they have traditionally supported humans’ daily lives, though the result of overreliance is that some of them are on the verge of extinction. I would like to explore the reasons for illegal poaching and possible solutions in this essay. 

Take tigers for example. Tigers are one of the endangered animals which have been illegally hunted and traded on a large scale. According to the report, as a result of overhunting, their populations have shrunk by 95 % over the past century, and only 4,000 remain in the wild now. Yet, poaching is taking place, especially in east and southeast Asia. One reason is that their body parts have been used for medical purposes for more than 1,000 years, and many people still firmly believe that way. It would be difficult for local people to abandon their tradition. Another reason is that tigers are the icon of wealth. Some rich people show off their wealth by displaying tigers’ fur in their room, or serving tigers’ meat to their guests. 

To address this problem, the first and the most important thing that should be done is to educate people so that they will not misuse the animals. When it comes to tigers, there is not much scientific evidence that tigers’ body parts can cure diseases. Therefore, education on a public level will play a pivotal role. On top of that, stronger scrutiny and sanctions between countries will hinder poachers from illegal trade. Although the international treaty on tigers’ trade was enacted in the late 1980’s, it is hard to conclude that it has been working well enough. Further cooperation will surely be needed.












英作文はほとんど文法的に正確で、流暢です。ただし、いくつかの部分で、より自然な表現に改善する余地があります。例えば、「they have traditionally supported humans’ daily lives, though the result of overreliance is that some of them are on the verge of extinction」という文は、「their traditional support of human daily lives has resulted in some species being on the verge of extinction due to overreliance」と再構成することができます。これにより、文がよりクリアになり、意図が明確に伝わります。


語彙の使用は非常に適切で、主題に関連する専門用語が豊富に使われています。例えば、「illegal wildlife trade」、「endangered」、「poaching」などの用語は、トピックを正確に表現するのに役立っています。これらの語彙は議論をより専門的なものにし、読者に対する信頼性を高めています。










Task Response(8/9)
The essay addresses the task well, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The introduction sets up the topic effectively, and the following paragraphs discuss specific examples and potential solutions related to the issue of illegal wildlife trade. The response is well-developed and extends relevant points with supporting details, such as statistics and specific issues with tigers.


Coherence and Cohesion(7/9)
The essay is logically organized and ideas are sequenced effectively. The use of paragraphs is appropriate, and each paragraph has a clear central idea. However, some sentences could be linked more smoothly, and transitions could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the arguments more seamlessly.

Lexical Resource(8/9)
The vocabulary is both varied and appropriate, using terminology relevant to the topic such as "illegal wildlife trade," "endangered," and "poaching." The writer demonstrates a good command of language with some less common phrases and collocations. The use of precise words enhances the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy(7/9)
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are minor errors, but these do not impede communication. Overall, the grammatical control is strong, allowing for clear and effective communication of ideas.

Overall IELTS Band Estimate(7.5/9)
The scores from the four criteria suggest an overall performance in the band 7.5 to 8 range. This reflects a high level of proficiency in academic writing, though there is slight room for improvement in coherence and grammatical precision to reach the highest band scores.





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